I have a confession to make.
I’ve been avoiding you.
Don’t take it personally though, this is about me, not you.
You see I’ve been allowing my fear of not being ‘good enough’ to hold me back from writing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had you on my ‘to action’ list for months.
~ Write a coaching blog
~ Blog regularly (weekly, fortnightly, even tried monthly to see if that would cut me enough slack!)
~ Write inspirations down as they appear
Actually that’s not true. It hasn’t stopped all my writing.
I’ve had a couple of articles published in the past few months, and one scheduled for next month, and I have no problem writing regularly for my boating blog.
So I know I CAN commit to writing – and importantly publishing.
Shining your light on the world
One of the things I talk to clients about is not waiting until everything’s in place and seemingly ‘perfect’ before they take action and move towards the place they want to be.
You may be under the impression people like Richard Branson and J K Rowling became famous almost overnight. They didn’t of course. It took them years and years of practice and refinement, of knock-backs and struggle. You just don’t see those journeys.
I’m inspired by the poem by Marianne Williamson, from her course A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, which begins with the words …
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
Why we all need a coach
I’ve chatted with my coaching buddies who’ve spurred me on (seriously, coaches coach each other, we know what a difference it can make to our lives). One challenged me to write and publish a post within the next week (thank you Meredith).
And it was fine.
Except I didn’t really write it that week.
I pressed ‘publish’ by mistake on a draft post I’d written just before Christmas last year! And in the seconds following that realisation I thought my heart was going to be delivered through my mouth having no idea what I’d written or whether it was one of my really rusty drafts.
Fortunately the Universe was on my side that day, and the post was an interesting one that connected with people.
Last year I read about the possibility of a writing coach. It sounded amazing. Someone to help me write ‘Damn Fine Words’. Money was an issue, so I signed up to the newsletter and took what I could from it.
Then I forgot about it until earlier this week when I read there’s a competition. The winner gets a free place on the next DFW course – and the deadline is this morning.
Nothing like leaving it until the last moment!
All I needed to do was write and publish about writing, and why I felt I was deserving of this place. So here I am.
During the past four years I’ve known many amazing coaches, covering such a diverse range of areas such as …
You name it, there’s a coach out there with experience, knowledge and skills to help you become an overnight success!
Removing the ‘F’ word
“What you give energy to grows and expands.”
When we give in to fear, we’re more likely to feel that we’ve somehow ‘failed’.
Not that I believe in ‘failure’ per se. I prefer to see anything that doesn’t go to plan as a learning opportunity.
‘Failure’ is a dreadful word many people bandy about indiscriminately, without thought of the consequences for their selves or others.
I believe professionals continue to label some women’s labours ‘Failure to Progress’ – how awful is that?
What’s actually happened, in a high percentage of such cases, is someone with good intentions interfered in the normal progress of childbirth and buggered it up (we know it affectionately as ‘the cascade of intervention’). Consequently the baby and it’s mother’s body become so out of synch they meet obstructions which block the passage to the outside world.
In a physiological labour, the midwife acts as the woman’s coach and advocate. The woman is likely to have discovered as much as she can about her body, the changes going on, and what she can expect for the labour and birth.
Of course things don’t always go smoothly, sometimes she’ll need some some support and possibly ‘interference’. But it’s not the woman who ‘fails’.
I recently signed up and actively took part in Tim Brownson’s ‘Coach the Life Coach’ course. I want to continually improve my coaching skills so I can be there to support women in other significant phases of their life.
One of the many learning points that stood out for me, was his assertion that you can be the best coach in the world, but unless you’re good (fantastic even!) at marketing, few people will find you.
What have I been afraid of?
That’s a great question, and one I’ve asked myself a number of times. Mainly my answers have been such things as
- People laughing at me, saying things like “Who does she think she is?”
- Being inundated with clients – afraid of my own success
- Feeling like an imposter – what do I know anyway (more about that shortly)
I had some fairly senior posts as a midwife over the years, involving leading teams, managing projects, educating other midwives and writing policies and guidelines to support women in labour. I’ve spoken at conferences I’ve been instrumental in organising, in front of hundreds of people. I’ve written for national publications.
During much of that time, I can recall thinking “Today could be the day that they discover I know nothing!” Or “If only they knew how little I know – they’ll discover I’m just winging it!”
Apparently this is known as ‘Imposter syndrome’, it’s a trait of ‘high achieving women (and men)’. I wish I’d known that years ago. Raising awareness of where our thoughts are leading us can be enlightening and liberating.
Making a difference
Recently a previous client shared with me a huge change she’s making. It’s something we alluded to about two years ago. She wasn’t ready then. Since that time, her mind-set has changed immeasurably. Now she is. She said “Thank you for inspiring and empowering me.”
She’s been building her ‘someday’ life, rather than remaining stuck believing where she was was where she had to stay. Bit by bit, she’s moved towards the life she wants that nourishes rather than depletes her energy and her source.
You see I’m not really an imposter after all!
And I’m going to make a commitment to you. Right here. Right now. Well as soon as I press the magic button at the top of my page that says ‘Publish’.
I’m going to get over my self. Because as I was told recently (thank you Tim), even if your posts only resonate and help ONE PERSON, then it was worth all the time and passion you put into writing it.
Like anything, the more energy I give to writing and reflecting on what works and what I can change, the more I’ll improve.
People may criticise and condemn something I say. That’s ok. We each have our own map of the world, our way of seeing things. I know sometimes the words I write won’t resonate with people, my coaching essence won’t appeal to everyone. Thank goodness! I’d be overwhelmed with clients …
I’m moving forward this year.
I’m going to build a bridge and get over myself.
I’m finally having a logo designed. It’s going to tie in with the northern hemisphere spring of new beginnings, with connections to my love of New Zealand. I’m moving this site from wordpress.com to wordpress.org, because I’ll be able to reach more people and have greater functionality to market my coaching services. You’ll notice design changes creeping in too.
January 1st isn’t the only time to start over, to look at where we’ve come from and where we’re going. To commit to the actions you want to take.
How about you?
Where and when are you playing and keeping your ‘self’ small because you’re letting fear tell you what to do? When will you let YOUR light shine in the world?
Is there a small step you can take today, that would inch you towards your someday life? Who do you know that you could reach out to for support?
See if you can even tell others in the comments below – your words may help one person. Now wouldn’t that be something?