Balance

Introducing the ‘SLoW Coach’


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“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”
-~Eddie Cantor

When did you last stop to ‘smell the roses’, or allow yourself the time to ‘stand and stare’?

As far as any of us are aware, THIS LIFE IS IT! You can gamble on there being something else on ‘the other side’, but are you seriously going to leave living until a day that’s unlikely to even exist?

Can you subscribe to the belief that you can get more out of life, by ‘doing’ less?

Driven to succeed

If you’ve read my ‘About me‘ page, you’ll see I’ve spent a good proportion of my life as a driven woman.

Driven to do what you may ask?

A retroscope (a made-up word used by midwives!) is a wonderful tool, it means you can look back and see where you could have made different choices to have another outcome. Looking through my imaginary scope, I see someone who was trying to ‘prove’ something to herself and others, who, despite being a rather adventurous and naive teenager, could still ‘succeed’ in a career.

I’ve met, and continue to meet, people with similar aspirations.

Living in this fast-paced society, we feel (and IMHO are encouraged to believe) the only way to live is to cram it all in – our ever increasing workload and active social life – and sitting for any period of time in stillness and calm, is a selfish, fruitless and boring waste of time.

Being with my self

I had a bit of an epiphany when I made the brave move (alone) to live and work in New Zealand for nine months in 2001/2002.

I had a four-month contract as an agency midwife, at a small and friendly maternity unit in Gisborne, on the east coast of the North Island.  The remainder of the time, apart from five weeks with my amazing parents who came to visit and play, I was able to reflect on my life; my hopes and dreams.

I read Clarissa Pinkola Estes sensational book ‘Women Who Run With the Wolves‘, and had some incredible insights. I’d never had such a ‘self’ish time – I mostly adored it, but was also very challenged being with ME.

Returning to England in the summer of 2002, I soon resumed the speed-driven pace of life which appears to be inherent in British society, and allowed my ‘self ‘to be eaten up once more by my passion for changing the world of midwifery for the better.

I gained a prestigious post with the Department of Health, leading a midwifery recruitment and retention project, which basically entailed having almost no other life – but succeeded in raising the profile of midwifery and its R & R challenges – for a short time! But at what cost …

Slowing down

Fast forward (pun intended) three years from that period, and I was back in New Zealand, working part-time, though still in a senior post. I read ‘In Praise of Slow‘ by Carl Honore, and something ‘clicked’ inside me. Carl’s description of ‘the cult of speed’ rang so many bells for me.

I knew I’d succumbed to it so many times and on so many levels – and really wanted to get off the merry-go-round and have more life in my life.

By being busy all the time, we may be avoiding (consciously or not) being with our ‘selves’, and with those people who are important to us. One day we, and they, will no longer be here. And it’s highly unlikely that you’ll wish, on your death-bed, you’d gained another promotion, or saved (rather than spent on yourself) more money to leave for your family to squander.

The health risks of ‘busy’ness

This phenomenon of the late twentieth and early twenty-first century, is creating health problems for women. Reading the fascinating book ‘Rushing Women’s Syndrome‘ by Dr Libby Weaver, I understood more fully how we affect our health by this culture of speed.

When we’re rushing around, our body interprets this as ‘stress’, and releases Adrenaline. The body thinks your life is in danger, and prepares itself for ‘fight or flight’.

But we rarely need to run away from a tiger, so we confuse our nervous system which burns sugar rather than fat.

How often do you reach for a sugary snack during the day? Dr Weaver alarmingly suggests that the cellulite on your thighs is caused by the mobilisation of glycogen out of the muscles – due to stress.

There’s so much more around this subject if you want to delve further, – check our ‘Dr Libby’ on Facebook

The SLoW Coach

As a fairly new Life Coach, I’m still defining my ‘niche’ market – who are the people I resonate the most with and can support?

One of my passions as a coach is obviously around looking at the balance of people’s lives, and working with them to see how they can ‘slow down’ a little (or a lot) to reflect and change what aspects aren’t working as well as they’d like.

I recall having a silver belt buckle designed (by one of my beautiful and talented sisters) and made when I was a nurse. My initials at that time were S.L.O., and they figured on the middle of the buckle which I still have and treasure.

I recently realised, that although I reverted to my maiden name over twenty years ago, my full name really does now spell out SLoW – Sandra Louise Walsh!

So maybe this is leading me towards where my expertise could be focussed in the future?

Shall I be ‘The Slow Coach? It’s certainly a new way of being for me, and it’s enriching my life in so many ways.

I challenge you to slow down a little whenever you can, get to know your self better, and make the magical moments of life last longer!

“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.”
–John De Paola

How do you value, and spend, your precious time?


Loving time

 

“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.” ~William Penn

How often do you catch yourself saying ‘I don’t have enough time for …‘?

Could it be possible that the things you believe you don’t have time for, are the very things most likely to increase your happiness?

Which of these, do you regularly say with conviction:

I don’t have time to …”:

  • Shop for fresh fruit and vegetables
  • Cook healthy meals from scratch
  • Take regular exercise
  • Spend time with my family or friends
  • Talk openly with my partner about what’s important in our lives and relationship
  • Enjoy being outside gardening, or playing games with my children (or grandchildren/nieces/nephews)
  • Sit still and be mindful
  • Read that book
  • Go dancing

You may be able to add many more pleasurable and uplifting things to the list. Or even start your own?

The question I put to you is, “What are you spending the 24 hours of each day doing, and prioritising  that leads you to really believe you’re deprived of quality time”?

Possible time ‘wasters’

Let’s consider three possibilities.

Working hours

Progression in the 19th and 20th centuries brought with it an increase in machinery, and subsequently computers and other technology. It was believed by the 21st century we’d be working less hours, freeing up more time for leisure. Is that true? It certainly doesn’t appear to be – but do correct me if I’m wrong. Or maybe we could be, but the pay has decreased disproportionately so to keep up with the lifestyle we aspire to we feel we have to continue to work long hours?

Or are we led to believe by subtle (but very clever) marketing messages that it’s important to have bigger and better careers, houses, cars, computers, phones, clothes, holidays in the exotic places, etc. We then find ourselves living to work, rather than working to live.

Maybe it’s time to ask whether we really need to?

What if each individual stopped trying to keep up with, or impress, anyone else?

Would you still need to earn as much as you are now?

What could you cut back on to release some expenditure?

One of the uplifting things for me about living in New Zealand for eight years, was most people’s lack of attachment to material possessions. It seemed accepted as ‘the norm’ to work part time, i.e. less than a forty hour week. And these were some of the happiest people I’ve met.

Shopping

The other thing I’ve noticed since returning to England to live, is the excessive number of shops and shopping outlets. Now I realise there’s a dichotomy here in that if people don’t shop, businesses don’t survive. But how much of it is a catch 22 situation?

The more people shop, the more shops are needed.  The more shops are needed, and the more money people spend on things they don’t need, the longer people have to work to keep said shops open.

I’m currently living on a very tight budget, as my husband and I have chosen to leave our ‘proper jobs’ to travel the waterways of England.  This has really opened my eyes to how much money we used to waste on unnecessary ‘stuff’ – even when living in New Zealand!

As Will Smith says: “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.

Television

I challenged a client recently to consider giving up watching the television for one night of the week. She was initially aghast at this suggestion.  Her relationship wasn’t going well, and she believed her partner didn’t love her ‘enough’ – what on earth would they talk about? They both worked full time and had different interests that kept them occupied at the weekends. I’d asked what they did in the evenings after work. They generally ate ‘fast food’, as they didn’t have time to shop or cook ‘healthy’ options.  They then flopped in front of the TV until bedtime, when they were so exhausted and sluggish they just slept.

She took up the challenge.  Next time we met, her energy had changed dramatically, and she excitedly informed me her relationship had turned a corner. They’d begun to talk to each other. They’d made a plan to exercise together in the evenings – walking or running. They’d reconnected, found themselves and each other once again. Within six months they’d unexpectedly changed jobs – and countries.

This may be an extreme example. But ask yourself how much time you spend each day, week and month watching ‘the box’. What are you watching? How is it contributing to your happiness? Is it instead giving you the impression that the world is full of terrorists? Or conversely that everyone else is happier, richer, smarter and luckier than you?

Turn off the TV!

Turn off the TV!

Making time count

Imagine being diagnosed with an debilitating illness.  This could be something mild like a migraine, or a life threatening diagnosis. Consider whether you would continue spending your time in the same way you are now?

If you had a migraine, you’d have to take time off work, you’d have to get someone to look after the children and do the shopping and cooking. If you hear the worst and find your days are limited – will you feel as though you’ve spent your time wisely?

Ask yourself today the following:

  1. Is everything I do absolutely necessary? Write down each day how you spend your time, and keep this going for a month.  At the end of this time, highlight those things that were essential and which were desirable, which ones you did out of a sense of duty or habit. What could you let go of?
  2. Do you have to do everything you do, or could you ask someone else for help? It’s true that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Do you enjoy playing ‘the rescuer’, and need to feel needed? Do you take over and organise everyone else so they feel they can’t possibly live without you? How does that help you or others? What would it mean for you to hand some things over?
  3. If you knew in advance the day and time of your departure from this world, what would be the most important things for you to spend your time doing? A mantra of mine is ‘carpe Diem’, seize the day, from that wonderful film ‘Dead Poet’s Society’. None of us know what’s round the next corner. The world could be struck by a meteorite at any time and in an instant we’d be wiped out. Are you spending your valuable time trying to be someone you’re not, trying to please everyone, spending money on things you don’t need so you have to work longer? How can you begin to change this?

I’d love to hear from you about the ways you’re spending your valuable time, and where you could change to accommodate more of your pleasurable and heart-centred activities …

Awakening Your Life – what does this mean?


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Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment.”~John O’Donohue

Do you wake up each morning happy to be alive and thankful for another day full of endless possibilities?

Or do you struggle to shake the sleep from your eyes and body, dreading the day and wondering what you’re doing, who you’re doing it with, and where you’re going?

Maybe you alternate between the two, or sit somewhere in between?

A fascination for change

Whilst studying for my ‘Holistic Life Coaching Diploma’, I brainstormed words that resonated with me for my coaching ‘niche’, my specialty, and my passion. I listened to clients and the feedback they gave about their coaching journeys. I searched for other coaches and the ‘titles’, or ‘niches’ that headed their blogs and websites.

I’ve been forever fascinated and drawn to change, in a variety of ways during my life – I mostly do not fear it, I generally embrace it and relish the excitement and surprises that it can bring. I believe a life without risk is a life half lived, and that the biggest risk is not taking one.

However there are also times when I wonder what it would be like to just ‘be’ settled and content in one place, with no need to move around or change so much – and there have been times that I’ve done that, but I cannot imagine living in that world constantly.

The word I strongly felt associated most with my aspirations and style of coaching was ‘Awakening‘, and despite someone (well intentioned) suggesting ‘Awakening Your Life’ sounded like ‘mumbo jumbo’, I persisted and remained true to my gut feeling.

Dictionary definitions suggest to awaken is to: stir up a feeling, to awaken or arouse strong emotions, to bring out, to trigger, to stimulate, kindle or revive.

An online search reveals the following possibilities:

Awakening – noun: stirring up, birth, waking, waking up, revival, awaking, animating, rousing, stimulation, provocation, arousal, enlivening, activation, kindling, incitement, vivification the awakening of national consciousness in people

a•wak•en•ing
adj.
1. rousing; quickening: an awakening interest.
n.
2. the act of awaking from sleep.
3. a revival of interest or attention.
4. a recognition, realization, or coming into awareness of something: a rude awakening to the facts.
5. a renewal of interest in religion, esp. in a community; revival.

awakening
n – the start of a feeling or awareness in a person a picture of an emotional awakening

Living a limit-less life

I realise some people associate the word ‘Awakening’ with religious connotations, and this can be one aspect of it. For me though, it’s about encouraging and supporting people to make the most of their life here on earth, secure in the knowledge that no-one can possibly be sure that there is anything BUT this life.

The messages we’ve listened to during our childhood and taken into adulthood, we’ve formed into our limiting beliefs about life, and may be keeping us trapped in an emotional prison and preventing us from living limit-less lives.

The media feed us mainly negativity and drama in order to sell their wares, and the government instill more propaganda to lead us to believe we live in a world where we must all work harder and longer, and spend all our time saving for a retirement that we may never live to see due to our lack of a work/life balance.

I’ve been a midwife since 1988, supporting women to birth their babies, and also committed to guiding students and colleagues to provide continuity of excellent care to childbearing women and their families.

Awakening lives is a continuum of this – as a Life Coach my purpose and passion is to support and guide clients to bring their hopes, dreams and aspirations to fruition, to let go of their ‘buts’ and ‘what ifs’, their regrets of the past and fears of the future, to seek ways of valuing the simple things in life – feeling gratitude for what they have in this moment rather than always seeking things they think they don’t have and feel they need in order to be happy.

To love themselves first and foremost in order to see that love reflected back to them from others, and once they’re able and willing to do this to then discover ways to visualise and live their dreams by moving through their fears and changing limiting beliefs.

So, ‘Awakening Your Life Coaching’ is about:
1. Awakening – giving birth to a new life, a new way of seeing your world primarily (internal), and then the world outside of you.
2. Beliefs – what do you believe about life? Where and when did those messages become your truth? How can you reframe these so that they serve rather than stifle you?
3. Change – what is there about your life that you want to change? Are you happy where you are, what you’re doing and who you’re spending time with; or are you frequently wishing you could do something/many things different/ly?
4. Dreams – what have you always wanted to do, but don’t feel ‘brave’ enough to find ways to make it a reality?
5. Emotions/Feeling – are you more of a thinker (to do) than a feeler (to be)? Do you fill your life with so much busyness in order to stop your self from feeling emotion? How can you begin to let go and be still, to listen to your heart and its wisdom, and trust life to bring you what you need?

If you’d like to explore some of these concepts, contact me for a free discovery call to see if a Life Coaching relationship with me is for you.