It could be today …

Hopefully not today that I die if you’re following from yesterday’s post!

It may be the day this site magically transfers to thanks to the assistance of Mike from DK Media who’s been holding my hand as we make the move. Once that happens the current site, and hence this post (because it’s not coming with me), will disappear in a puff of smoke I’m reliably informed.

What we may not have been able to configure, is bringing everyone who’s currently signed up to follow this blog along with us. The website site address will remain the same, so if you don’t hear from me for a few weeks it’s likely you’ll need to re-affirm you want to continue reading by signing up to the new site.

It’s taken me two and a half years to finally take this plunge – and it’s nowhere near as scary as my thoughts have imagined.

If there’s something on your ‘to do’ list that you keep carrying forward, because it feels too scary, dig a little deeper. The likelihood is the more you learn about it, the simpler it will become to jump off the cliff, find your wings and fly.

I hope you choose to stay with me on this journey. If not, farewell, it’s been a pleasure.

Writing on a laptop

What to do when words just don’t come easily

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been avoiding you.

Don’t take it personally though, this is about me, not you.

You see I’ve been allowing my fear of not being ‘good enough’ to hold me back from writing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had you on my ‘to action’ list for months.

~ Write a coaching blog
~ Blog regularly (weekly, fortnightly, even tried monthly to see if that would cut me enough slack!)
~ Write inspirations down as they appear

Actually that’s not true. It hasn’t stopped all my writing.

I’ve had a couple of articles published in the past few months, and one scheduled for next month, and I have no problem writing regularly for my boating blog.

So I know I CAN commit to writing – and importantly publishing.

Shining your light on the world

One of the things I talk to clients about is not waiting until everything’s in place and seemingly ‘perfect’ before they take action and move towards the place they want to be.

You may be under the impression people like Richard Branson and J K Rowling became famous almost overnight. They didn’t of course. It took them years and years of practice and refinement, of knock-backs and struggle. You just don’t see those journeys.

I’m inspired by the poem by Marianne Williamson, from her course A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, which begins with the words …

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

Why we all need a coach

I’ve chatted with my coaching buddies who’ve spurred me on (seriously, coaches coach each other, we know what a difference it can make to our lives). One challenged me to write and publish a post within the next week (thank you Meredith).

I did.

And it was fine.

Except I didn’t really write it that week.

I pressed ‘publish’ by mistake on a draft post I’d written just before Christmas last year! And in the seconds following that realisation I thought my heart was going to be delivered through my mouth having no idea what I’d written or whether it was one of my really rusty drafts.

Fortunately the Universe was on my side that day, and the post was an interesting one that connected with people.


Last year I read about the possibility of a writing coach. It sounded amazing. Someone to help me write ‘Damn Fine Words’. Money was an issue, so I signed up to the newsletter and took what I could from it.

Then I forgot about it until earlier this week when I read there’s a competition. The winner gets a free place on the next DFW course – and the deadline is this morning.

Nothing like leaving it until the last moment!

All I needed to do was write and publish about writing, and why I felt I was deserving of this place. So here I am.

During the past four years I’ve known many amazing coaches, covering such a diverse range of areas such as …

~ The Dream Job Coach

~ Transitions Coach

~ Meditation Coach

~ Getting Unstuck Coach

~ Mindset Change Coach

~ Social Media Coach

~ Small Business Coach

You name it, there’s a coach out there with experience, knowledge and skills to help you become an overnight success!

Removing the ‘F’ word

“What you give energy to grows and expands.”

When we give in to fear, we’re more likely to feel that we’ve somehow ‘failed’.

Not that I believe in ‘failure’ per se. I prefer to see anything that doesn’t go to plan as a learning opportunity.

‘Failure’ is a dreadful word many people bandy about indiscriminately, without thought of the consequences for their selves or others.

I believe professionals continue to label some women’s labours ‘Failure to Progress’ – how awful is that?

What’s actually happened, in a high percentage of such cases, is someone with good intentions interfered in the normal progress of childbirth and buggered it up (we know it affectionately as ‘the cascade of intervention’). Consequently the baby and it’s mother’s body become so out of synch they meet obstructions which block the passage to the outside world.

In a physiological labour, the midwife acts as the woman’s coach and advocate. The woman is likely to have discovered as much as she can about her body, the changes going on, and what she can expect for the labour and birth.

Of course things don’t always go smoothly, sometimes she’ll need some some support and possibly ‘interference’. But it’s not the woman who ‘fails’.

I recently signed up and actively took part in Tim Brownson’s ‘Coach the Life Coach’ course. I want to continually improve my coaching skills so I can be there to support women in other significant phases of their life.

One of the many learning points that stood out for me, was his assertion that you can be the best coach in the world, but unless you’re good (fantastic even!) at marketing, few people will find you.

What have I been afraid of?

That’s a great question, and one I’ve asked myself a number of times. Mainly my answers have been such things as

  • People laughing at me, saying things like “Who does she think she is?”
  • Being inundated with clients – afraid of my own success
  • Feeling like an imposter – what do I know anyway (more about that shortly)

I had some fairly senior posts as a midwife over the years, involving leading teams, managing projects, educating other midwives and writing policies and guidelines to support women in labour. I’ve spoken at conferences I’ve been instrumental in organising, in front of hundreds of people. I’ve written for national publications.

During much of that time, I can recall thinking “Today could be the day that they discover I know nothing!” Or “If only they knew how little I know – they’ll discover I’m just winging it!”

Apparently this is known as ‘Imposter syndrome’, it’s a trait of ‘high achieving women (and men)’. I wish I’d known that years ago. Raising awareness of where our thoughts are leading us can be enlightening and liberating.

Making a difference

Recently a previous client shared with me a huge change she’s making. It’s something we alluded to about two years ago. She wasn’t ready then. Since that time, her mind-set has changed immeasurably. Now she is. She said “Thank you for inspiring and empowering me.”

She’s been building her ‘someday’ life, rather than remaining stuck believing where she was was where she had to stay. Bit by bit, she’s moved towards the life she wants that nourishes rather than depletes her energy and her source.

You see I’m not really an imposter after all!

And I’m going to make a commitment to you. Right here. Right now. Well as soon as I press the magic button at the top of my page that says ‘Publish’.

I’m going to get over my self. Because as I was told recently (thank you Tim), even if your posts only resonate and help ONE PERSON, then it was worth all the time and passion you put into writing it.

Like anything, the more energy I give to writing and reflecting on what works and what I can change, the more I’ll improve.

People may criticise and condemn something I say. That’s ok. We each have our own map of the world, our way of seeing things. I know sometimes the words I write won’t resonate with people, my coaching essence won’t appeal to everyone. Thank goodness! I’d be overwhelmed with clients …

I’m moving forward this year.

I’m going to build a bridge and get over myself.

I’m finally having a logo designed. It’s going to tie in with the northern hemisphere spring of new beginnings, with connections to my love of New Zealand. I’m moving this site from to, because I’ll be able to reach more people and have greater functionality to market my coaching services. You’ll notice design changes creeping in too.

January 1st isn’t the only time to start over, to look at where we’ve come from and where we’re going. To commit to the actions you want to take.

How about you?

Where and when are you playing and keeping your ‘self’ small because you’re letting fear tell you what to do? When will you let YOUR light shine in the world?

Is there a small step you can take today, that would inch you towards your someday life? Who do you know that you could reach out to for support?

See if you can even tell others in the comments below – your words may help one person. Now wouldn’t that be something?

How to push past fear to awaken and liberate your life


“We awaken in others the same attitude of mind we hold toward them.” Elbert Hubbard

How many times do you catch yourself saying “If only he/she/they would change, life would be so much better.”? Or, “I’d love to do …. (fill in the blank) but I’m too scared.”

It’s something I often hear clients verbalise,  and I’m aware it’s been something I’ve succumbed to at various times.

Liberation comes when we wake up to the fact that we can’t force someone else to change, as much as we feel what we’re seeking to change could be of benefit to them.

However, by changing ourselves, we discover that magically those around us begin to change too.

Or do they?

Could it just be the way we see things that changes? And when we react and respond differently to events, and life in general, due to the changes we’ve personally instigated, then our perception of others alters accordingly.

Take an example of changing the way you look at things to face your fears …

Facing fear

Can you think of any fears you’ve faced and overcome, by changing the way you see them? Maybe it’s happened by talking yourself through them, and seeing a new perspective, with a cleaner, sharper and brighter lens?

I can recall a few from the past twenty years or so of my life:

  • Arrivals at Auckland Airport

    Arrivals at Auckland Airport

    Fear of flying – In the 1990s, I had an irrational fear of flying – nothing major, it didn’t stop me from holidaying in Europe, but I hadn’t ventured further than that. I recall during those short flights, breaking out into a cold sweat during take off and landing.

  • However, in 2001 I flew all the way to New Zealand, literally to the furthest point you can go from England without being on your way back again.

I’ve repeated the journey south or north 24 times since then!  I can’t recall how I changed my mind, only that my desire to go was greater than my fear of flying. Once there, my need to remain in contact with my family and visit them frequently, enabled me to maintain my mindset. I told my mind a different story to the one it had previously pictured.

I read about the risks of flying and informed myself that there was more risk crossing the road than flying in the twenty first century. I discovered that long haul flights are so much nicer than short ones. And I chose to see the journey as a part of the ‘holiday’, the joy of time to sit still and eat, drink, read, sleep, watch movies, chat.  Visiting different airports became a delight too, so I added that into the reasoning.

  • Fear of enclosed spaces – I have no idea where or when this originated, but I had a fear of being buried alive. I remember watching a film where it happened (thankfully she escaped at the last minute – I held my breath and could hardly watch!). The absurdness of my fear brings to mind the YouTube video ‘Stop It’, by Bob Newhart – if you haven’t watched it yet I recommend it. You can’t fail to laugh out loud at his direct coaching style.

I took steps to overcome this fear during my 2001 to 2002 sabbatical to New Zealand. On a solo road trip , I visited ‘Waiotomo Caves’ in the west of the North Island and went ‘Black Water rafting‘. This entailed crawling into a hole in the ground, sitting in a cave, then walking, jumping and swimming underground in a wetsuit and hard hat with light, before finally sitting in the rubber tyre we carried, leaning back, holding the feet of the person behind, turning off our lights and watching glow worms illuminating the cave roof – resembling hundreds of brightly twinkling stars.

It was one of the most magical experiences of my life, and one I repeated three years later with my younger daughter – just to prove I could! But it took some self-talk initially to persuade myself I could do it and enjoy it.

  • Fear of drowning – I suspect this is similar to my being buried alive challenge. I’ve tried scuba diving in a swimming pool twice, but each time my fear overwhelmed me after only a short time. Then in 2005,  on my aforementioned daughter’s NZ visit, she asked to experience white water rafting.

Buoyed by the black water rafting experiences, and feeling I’d taken myself way out of my comfort zone a number of times, I imagined I’d accomplish a change in view once more. Unknowingly, I chose to book us onto an adventure that would heighten my fear rather than diminish it. We rafted on the Kaituna River near Rotorua in the North Island of NZ.

At the bottom of the Tutea Falls, which, unbeknown to me at the time is the world’s highest commercially rafted waterfall with a 21 foot drop, our raft overturned (you can watch a clip of a raft descending it successfully here). I woke up underneath the boat, due to thankfully still holding tightly onto a rope, in an air pocket only slightly higher than my head, and managed to scream and hyperventilate simultaneously. 

I don’t dwell on the possibilities had I not held on, though did initially imagine the scene of me waking up at the bottom of the waterfall, panicking and completely forgetting the instructions to curl into a ball and allow the water to lift me up should such an event occur. The outcome of a black eye and a few tears was minor considering the potential alternative of something far more sinister.

React, respond or retreat?

Throughout our lives we’ve been watching and listening to events that occur around us – and even those we have no personal experience of through the media’s portrayal and more recently the Internet.

We make assumptions and form beliefs about the world and others, from the knowledge we gain daily. The interesting thing is that we all do this differently. If four people watched the same film simultaneously, in the same room, and then were interviewed, they’d each recall parts that resonated with them and spoke to their particular beliefs – and they’re unlikely to be the same ones.

So when we’re faced with a situation that daunts, scares, enrages or confuses us – take a step back. Consider what story is being brought to the forefront of your mind. Then consciously choose to look at it from other angles, not just the first reaction. Respond thoughtfully, rather than reactively. See if you can find an alternative tale to tell your brain.

Or retreat. Walk away. Be ok with it not being ok. We don’t succeed at everything, and if we can be open and honest with ourselves, we’ll learn a great deal when we ‘fail’ – it doesn’t make us a ‘failure’.

Know that most of the time, you CAN push past your fears and change your self.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”~Ambrose Redmoon 

Did you notice how my last two posts have had quite a focus on the importance of breathing? More about that next time …